I’ve been away for sometime now living life but it seems to happen the same way every year about this time. The urge to write. It must be the changing of the seasons even though here in L.A. there isn’t much of a change yet. Maybe it’s getting back into a routine since the kidlings are back in school. I have time again. Time to breath, time to think, time to dream. Whatever it is doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I come back to it year after year. One of my favorite bible verses is Ecclesiastes 3:1, ATime for Everything. The song “Turn, Turn, Turn” by The Byrds, adapted from that bible verse, was one of my favorites when I was young. The words stuck with me and have continually inspired me which is why I think my time is now.
I’ve had a woman in my head for years. No I’m not crazy. This woman has been trying to get me to write her story. There have been times I know exactly who she is and there are times when she seems to be a stranger but she is an ever present thought in my daily life. I’ve been so afraid to write her. What if it isn’t right? What if I miss her message? What if it stinks? These questions have basically been the wall I face every time I try to get her down on paper. This year has been a year of decisions and change. I guess that I’m finally getting tired of being afraid. Being afraid to speak my mind, being afraid to stand up for myself, being afraid of just being me. I’ve been running away from who I am for so long. It’s been fun getting to know myself again. From that small different child, to the mischievous teenager, to the twenty something know it all and finally to me, the sometimes know it all, sometimes cranky, but always thankful wife and mom. I am all of those these. So, I’m not going to let fear rule me anymore.
I’ve decided to commit. To commit to my life. To commit to whatever it is I’m doing at any given moment. To be there, fully present for every minute of my life. That includes writing the story I was meant to write. I’m going to try to not worry about the outcome until I get there.
Here’s to the journey!