The rain falls gently outside the barred window.
The whoosh of a car on a wet road.
I am snuggled in bed, the dogs at my feet,
And I wait for the storm approaching.
One that will join the storm raging
In this room
In my mind
These days it’s difficult to leave the house
To feel the yellow sun
Or the breath of mother earth
across my skin
The storm is coming but for now
The way I like it.
Only the voice in my head most days
Drowning out the ones I run from
I watch the world go by through barred windows
Am i keeping the boogeyman out
Or keeping the boogeyman in
I am snuggled in bed, the dogs at my feet
As the rain falls gently outside the barred window.
I’m falling slipping, dripping, caught in a riptide, a sink hole. A whirlpool; an Ekman Spiral. I level my gaze on a horizon that sways. Your pain. My pain. A silent tug of war.
The hallway outside the apartment smells like onions and garlic. For the moment I feel excitement. Inside, it’s quiet. Only empty bottles and dirty dishes. A note: sorry I missed you. You know how it is. Hope you don’t mind… The acrid smell of a spent cigarette at the bottom of a glass. A small dandelion dangling on the edge of an empty beer bottle. So fragile. Too many wishes that don’t come true. I leave; walk, anywhere.
There was a time
I thought I was strong
My armor thins
Weakens with age
Dispersion and assaults
Although distant and silent
A storm on the horizon
Days count down
Flesh gives way
To final rest
Void of wrongs
You are enough.
Believe and you will.
It all sounds so cliche but there is truth in those statements. Sometimes in the struggle to believe we can we find out that we could all along.
It’s not always easy, and sometimes it’s a battle and it hurts, but hang in there. Don’t give up.
As time ebbs and flows so do these moments.